Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
