New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
don't judge my taste in strippers
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
