I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
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