do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
