I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
