eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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