dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
