the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
