I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Randomize
