he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
