just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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