Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Randomize
