recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
