How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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