my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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