that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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