She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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