So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't put those talents on a resume
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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