dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
