It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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