just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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