So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
