Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
