well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I think i got beer on your cat.
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