You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
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