dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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