butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
