She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Randomize
