I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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