New invention idea: vibrating tampons
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
