He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
