Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Randomize
