Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I'm experimenting with sincerity
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
