Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
