On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
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