DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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