Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize