i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
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