I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize
