I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Randomize
