why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
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One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
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Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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