new low.... made out with someone while peeing
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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