I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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