Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
