OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
