If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
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