I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
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