Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
