took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
