Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
