We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize
