Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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