oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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