So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
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