Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
