Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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