I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
