Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Randomize
