those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
