Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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