OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
