Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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