someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
