I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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