I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
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