We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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