Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
