i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
