I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
