Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Randomize
