Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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