Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
