We won't sleep together?
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Randomize
