My Higher Power is John Stamos
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Randomize
