You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
