You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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