I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
