even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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