my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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