are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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