Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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