Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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