Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
