Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
