swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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