I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
