I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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