I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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