Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
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